Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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