i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
