i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i already hear my dad disowning me
is wine microwaveable?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
