Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize