Acid is not a monday night drug
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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