I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
