It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
