hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
