will power is for people who don't want to get laid
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
