Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize