That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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