We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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