he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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