Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
this just has baby written all over it
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
