That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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