i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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