I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize