Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
