i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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