i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
