My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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