Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
