well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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