Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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