Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
