That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
