glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
