Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize