Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
