Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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