I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
my poor anus
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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