Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
