just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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