Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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