How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
