I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
