Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
