is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
