pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
