Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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