Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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