i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Who died my cat blue again?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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