Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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