I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
