its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
