took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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