OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
