If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
