Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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