God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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