I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
