i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
