I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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