Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just high enough for therapy.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
