you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
