sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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