This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
