I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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