well you can't waste a boner
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
