I just made out with a guy for $7.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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