never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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