What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i've created a new STD.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
