so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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