Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
