I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
