First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
