i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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