Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
