I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
