I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
