I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
