If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The power of my boobs compel you
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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