The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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