dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
