girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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