We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
