ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
