Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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